How dairy?! The Swiss cheese pervert strike again

Emmentaler_aoc_block

Who knew Emmental could be so erotic?

Christopher Pagano, a 42-year-man from Philadelphia, was arrested by police after offering yet another woman money to rub Swiss cheese on his genitals.

His latest arrest comes after a fourth woman came forward to report such an incident. It now brings the number of charges Mr Pagano is facing up to a not so brie-lliant 20.

The ‘serial masturbator’ has been dubbed the ‘Swiss cheese pervert’ in the United States. Now his notoriety is spreading worldwide as his seamlessly insatiable hunger for dairy-related sexual acts continues apace.

The first reported incident involving the cheese pervert was in January of this year when a photo circulated of the man in question waving a piece of his favourite holey cheese in the air… with his trousers parked around his ankles.

The local neighbourhood in which Mr Pagano was operating posted a picture of the man on its Facebook page and warned residents to ‘beware of the Swiss Cheese Pervert’. He has not been deterred though; he has since asked several women to rub the proteinous product onto his crotch, offering financial rewards in return, without so much as a cheesy chat-up line first.

As more women were sought out by the persistent Mr Pagano, the propositioned females fell back on the old adage: in queso emergency, call the police. The cheese-loving Lothario was quickly arrested, released on bond but then busted once again as the problem persisted.

In total he now faces 20 charges, including four each of stalking, indecent exposure, harassment and open lewdness, according to online court records.

His sweet dreams are made of cheese, but unfortunately for the Swiss cheese sex pest, his dreams are yet to become a reality.

On a roll: injured tortoise gets new wheels

OMG TORTOISE.

OMG TORTOISE.

A tortoise in Hampshire is back on the move after it had its front legs replaced with wheels.

Darren Strand’s shell-wearing pet, Septimus, had his front legs gnawed by rats while it was hibernating in the garden over the winter. When he emerged from his slumber in the spring of 2013 his front feet were so badly injured that they had to be amputated.

The incident served to disprove the misconception popularised by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle franchise, which suggested that rats and shelled reptiles are close allies. However, this is a story with a Hollywood ending all the same.

Following the amputation of its front legs, an innovative solution has seen the wheels from a model aeroplane attached to the reptile’s underbelly using putty, allowing it roam freely once again, albeit at a typically leisurely pace. It is the first time that wheels have ever been used to replace front legs, with similar such procedures only mounting wheels onto the rear of the tortoise.

Owner Strand, a property developer from Gosport, described his pet as “sprightly and sociable”. He added that with his new wheels, Septimus is “really fast” on freshly cut grass or paths, although Strand neglected to comment on any potential risks the 23-year-old reptile might face should he encounter a steep downward hill.

In his allegorical tale of how the tortoise beat the hare, Aesop never threw in the unexpected plot twist that the reptilian racer was actually on wheels. Nevertheless, this is a story that certainly still inspires the same hope with its similarly compelling and unlikely victory for the underdog.

Brazilian boy survives being impaled by 2ft spike

Image from NY Daily Newsshowing the extent of Silva's injuries ... and good luck.

Image from NY Daily News showing the extent of Silva’s injuries … and his good luck.

A boy in Brazil has miraculously survived falling from a tree and being impaled by a 2ft iron bar.

Earlier this month, Weverton Silva – a 10-year-old boy from Macaé, a city in the Rio de Janeiro state of Brazil – had his left side punctured by a metal spike, which then re-emerged close to his right ear (see x-ray).

The incident happened as Silva fell from a tree while picking guava fruits, landing on a rod that was jutting out of a wall below in the process. Defying all odds, the metal bar somehow missed his heart and lungs as it pierced from one side of his torso to the other.

Fire fighters arrived on the scene and took the boy, with the iron bar still protruding from both sides of his body, to a local hospital. Once in hospital Silva underwent a five-hour operation to have the spike removed by a team of doctors.

One of those doctors, Rodrigo Chicralla, told Brazil’s Globo TV it was a miracle the 10-year-old survived. The bar, which was eventually removed in one piece, only narrowly missed all arteries and vital organs, had it punctured any of these then the accident would have almost certainly proved fatal.

Dr Chicralla said: “[The bar] had passed through basic arterial route. It is difficult to arrive at a hospital with such a situation and survive… I think it was just God [that meant Silva survived the incident].”

Canada erects crack cocaine pipe vending machines

Crack smoking.

Crack smoking.

Vending machines selling crack cocaine pipes have been created in Vancouver, Canada, in a bid to offer drug users access to clean pipes to try and halt the spread of infection.

The pipes – which sell for a quarter (around 14 pence) have been erected by the Portland Hotel Society and also aim to reduce the need for people to purchase pipes on the black market. Each of the vending machines holds 200 pipes and they are restocked every five days.

Kailin See, director of the Drug Users Resource Centre, told Canadian television: “For us, this was about increasing access to safer inhalation supplies in the Downtown Eastside.”

However, many feel that the scheme flies in the face of the country’s tough stance on drugs.

Steven Blaney, Canada’s Minister of Public Safety and Emergency Preparedness, said in a statement: “We disagree with promoters of this initiative. Drug use damages the health of individuals and the safety of our communities.

“While the NDP and Liberals would prefer that doctors hand out heroin and needles to those suffering from addiction, this Government supports treatment that ends drug use, including limiting access to drug paraphernalia by young people,” he added.

Mass duvet day to cost UK firms dear

bed

Why work when you can snuggle?

The winter blues are said to be the main factor behind today’s ‘national sickie day,’ during which employees opt to remain at home under their duvets rather than venturing into work.

The financial hangover from the festive season, coupled with the short days and cold weather have all led to staff staying off work, a trend which could cost firms as much as £34 million.

Professor of organisational psychology and health at Lancaster University, Cary Cooper, told Metro: “The ‘National Sickie Day’ may seem like a bit of a joke with some of these wild excuses, but there are some serious underlying reasons hiding beneath the surface.

“This time of year is tough, especially for those struggling to meet financial commitments or just fed-up after the holiday season. So it’s no great surprise that it’s the peak point for absences. Smart bosses know when to show a little understanding – when to say, ‘ok, take a day off, just don’t abuse my trust.’”

Peter Mooney from Employment Law Advisory Services, said that staff decisions to take a duvet day can seriously impact businesses by “zapping workplace energy and productivity levels.”

Jurassic Park dinosaur cage for sale on auction site

Beware the velociraptor my dear when the moon is fat.

Beware the velociraptor my dear when the moon is fat.

Arguably one of the best pieces of film memorabilia ever to come up for sale is the original Velociraptor cage crate from the hit 1993 film ‘Jurassic Park,’ which is currently selling on an internet auction site.

The item – which is being sold by Theme Park Connection – has offers on it of around £30,700 at the moment, with that price set to rise as dinosaur fans from across the globe get in on the action.

The listing states: “In this auction you are bidding on one of the most recognisable props from Steven Spielberg’s 1993 worldwide hit, Jurassic Park. This is the full size animal transport cage crate featured in the terrifying opening scene of the classic blockbuster movie.”

“This is the crate that housed the Velociraptor that attacked and killed the ill-fated gate keeper as Jurassic Park’s game warden and workers attempted to move the Raptor into its permanent pen,” adds the listing.

The cage also comes with a full-size Velociraptor prop, which was used to terrify guests at the film’s premiere. Both the prop and the cage are in need of some restoration, the listing adds.

Controversial study says smoking during pregnancy ‘could make baby gay’

Could there really be a link between sexuality and smoking?

Could there really be a link between sexuality and smoking?

A controversial study carried out by an Amsterdam-based neuroscientist claims that smoking and drinking during pregnancy could increase the chances of the baby being gay or having a low IQ.

Dr Dick Swaab, professor of neurobiology at Amsterdam University, has said that smoking, drinking, taking drugs or living in a high-pollution area during pregnancy could all have an impact on the unborn baby and its ongoing development.

Dr Swaab suggests that drinking and drug-taking could serve to lower a baby’s IQ, while taking synthetic hormones and smoking while pregnant could boost the chances of female babies becoming bisexual or gay. He asserts that living in an area that suffers from high levels of pollution while pregnant could increase the chances of the baby becoming autistic in the future.

Dr Swaab told the Sunday Times: “Pre-birth exposure to both nicotine and amphetamines increases the chance of lesbian daughters. Pregnant women suffering from stress are also more likely to have homosexual children of both genders because their raised level of the stress hormone cortisol affects the production of foetal sex hormones.

“In women who drink a lot, cells that were meant to migrate across the foetal brain can end up leaving the brain altogether,” he added.

Dr Swaab did go on to say that genetics play the major role in the development of a child, while lifestyle factors had a small influence.

Second passenger flight in two month lands at wrong airport

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It’s always a good idea to check a map when flying a massive jet plane off into the sunset.

A Southwest Airlines flight has landed at the wrong airport, the second aircraft in two months to do so.

The commercial Boeing 737-700 jet, which took off from Chicago’s Midway International Airport bound for Branson Airport, Missouri, ended up landing seven miles away at Taney County Airport instead.

Its eventual destination has a runway half the size of the one at its intended destination, and the flight is now under investigation to find out why such a thing happened, Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) spokesman Tony Molinaro has confirmed.

Meanwhile, a spokesman for Southwest Airlines, Brad Hawkins said: “The landing was uneventful, and all customers and crew are safe. Our ground crew from the Branson airport arrived at the airport to take care of our customers and their baggage.”

It is the second time in two months that a major aircraft has landed at the wrong airport. In November, a Boeing 747 Dreamlifter bound for McConnell Air Force Base in Wichita, Kansas, ended up landing at Colonel James Jabara Airport, nine miles away. The Dreamlifter was carrying parts rather than passengers.

 

Heathrow pilot tells of near miss with UFO

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

The pilot of a passenger jet heading for London’s Heathrow Airport has told of the moment he saw a UFO flying directly into the path of his plane.

The captain of the A320 Airbus reported seeing the ‘metallic’ bright silver ‘cigar/rugby ball-like’ UFO coming towards the plane, until it was within just a few feet of the left-hand side cockpit window.

Metro newspaper reported that an incident report read: “He (the pilot) was under the apprehension that they were on collision course with no time to react. His immediate reaction was to duck to the right and reach over to alert the FO (first officer); there was no time to talk to alert him.

“The captain was fully expecting to experience some kind of impact with a conflicting aircraft,” the report added.

The pilot checked the plane’s instruments and reported the incident to air traffic control, straight away, but no sign of the mystery UFO could be found.

The UFO consultant for the National Archives, Dr David Clarke, told The Telegraph: “This latest sighting is interesting, because it is detailed and clear. These pilots don’t file these reports for something and nothing. There was obviously something there.”

The UFO sighting took place in July 2013.

 

Giant rubber ball: 32 years in the making

One man and his ball.

One man and his ball.

A social media user has admitted he has spent 32 years working on his hobby – building one of the largest rubber band balls in the world.

Reddit user and sports writer Zack Hample, 35, took to social media to confirm that he had been building the ball since the age of three, and is still working on the huge ball. He posted a photo of the ball, along with two bunches of bananas and a laptop in order to show the scale of the ball, along with the comment: “32 years in the making. Started with just one and, yes, it would bounce if I could lift it.”

The rubber band ball weighs almost the same as two people – around 253lbs – and Mr Hample has said that he has spent almost £920 building it. However, despite his efforts, he has yet to steal the title of the world’s largest rubber band ball, which still belongs to Joel Waul who claimed the title in 2008, according to Guinness World Records.

The ball belonging to Mr Waul weighed more than 9,000lbs and was seven feet tall. He created it from over 700,000 rubber bands and it is now displayed for the public to see at Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! museum.

You can view a video of Zack and his pride and joy here.