Monthly Archives: June 2015

The End is Nigh! Toothed Fish Fall from the Sky onto Alaskan Town

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It might not have been one of the signs of the apocalypse or even one of Moses’ 10 plagues of Egypt, but it probably should have been – eels with rows of sharp, jagged teeth have literally been falling from the sky on to an Alaskan town.

Residents of Fairbanks have been left scratching their heads, bewildered (and slightly terrified) by the fact that it is raining lamprey eels. The slender fish have been found on people’s lawns and in car parks, but where are they coming from?

The lamprey eel is not easily caught in Alaska, nor is it commercially sold, so these are not easy fish to get your hands on. Not that you would want to get your hands on them either; as you can see from the picture, these are more like something you would find in a science fiction film rather than a character from Finding Nemo.

Dubbed “vampire fish” and “fish monsters” by locals, there have been numerous theories as to how the eels have ended up on land. One theory is that waterspouts or tornadoes crossing over a lake or river can pick up debris, including light aquatic animals, and carry them for miles before they rain down. But no such weather system has been recorded, so this seems more likely to just be a load of hot air.

Others have said it is a practical joke. But no one person or group has been targeted, nor has anyone claimed credit for this weird prank, so that seems unlikely.

The most credible theory is that birds have begun preying on the lamprey eel – they can sometimes be seen picking the fish out of water and flying away with them in their beak. Occasionally they will drop their meal (or realise how unappetising the creature is) leaving them flopping on the earth.

Whatever the theory, it’s probably best for you to go right ahead and scratch Fairbanks off your list of potential holiday destinations this summer.

Gnome Sweet Gnome: Mystery as 107 Gnomes Make Themselves at Home on Woman’s Lawn

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If you suffer from gnomophobia (the fear of gnomes, obviously) we advise you look away now – perhaps you should go and read this story about the man who was evicted from his home by his own cat, because this bit of extraordinary news is probably not for you.

A woman awoke this week to find an army of gnomes set out in and orderly fashion in her front garden – one hundred and seven of the scary little fellas, to be precise. How they got there remains a mystery but needless to say the homeowner was in a state of shock when confronted with the 30 rows of gnomes lined up in front of her three abreast down the garden path.

Marcela Telehanicova, who lives in her home in Devon, UK with her son, took to Facebook to ask: “Ok, who the f*** has put 100 gnomes outside my front door?!?!”

However, her anger quickly subsided when she realised it was nothing more than a harmless lampoon… albeit a really, really strange one.

The 30-year-old later told her local newspaper, the Plymouth Herald: “I was in hysterics, I found it really funny.

“It’s the best, most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t know who did it but I would love to know, I would love to shake their hand and say ‘Well done, you made me laugh’.”

Sure, it’s all fun and games now Marcela, but lest we forget that as well your expletive social media post, you did also call the police immediately after it happened. And someone think of the poor gnomes, dragged from their normal resting spots and forced to attend a mass meeting in the middle of the night on a stranger’s lawn – gnomenapping is no laughing matter folks!

Police officers say that no gnomes were stolen from any local garden centres, meaning they were either taken from people’s homes in the area or, perhaps most disturbingly, the unknown mastermind behind the prank has shelled out their own hard earned cash on the garden accessories just for the love of good old-fashioned practical jokes.

Man Calls 911 After Being Evicted by Pet Cat

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Despite the internet’s love affair with cats, there can be no denying that the little felines often have some real attitude problems. In fact, the fur balls usually demonstrate a wanton disregard for human beings and their belonging (see exhibit A, below).

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Well one cat has taken its reign of terror a little further than most by physically evicting its owner from his house. That’s right, a man in Stamford, Connecticut has been forced to flee his home because of his overly aggressive pet kitty.

But far from accepting his fate as a homeless man – which probably would have been the honourable thing to do after be deposed by a small domesticated creature – the cat owner in question called the police for back-up, with a recording of the emergency 911 call quickly going viral. You can listen to it here:

 

In case you couldn’t make that out, the unnamed caller said: “My cat was getting too aggressive, and I was inside, and then he attacked me, he scratched me in my leg and he bite me.”

He continued: “So me and my wife, we come outside, and now we cannot go in the home for like three to four hours.”

In a tone that was more begrudging and bewildered than actually concerned, the dispatcher agreed to send an officer out to deal with the issue. And with the track record of the US police these days, it is safe to say the cat has probably been shot (although as we cannot verify the colour of the cat, we cannot confirm or deny these claims).

The fearsome feline reportedly weighed a little over seven pounds, which, following some thorough investigative journalism, we can tell you is roughly the same as: a four-slice toaster; a newborn baby; or, more adorably, two boxes of wine. The horror, the horror.