The vampire theory – proving that children really are our future

It was hard to ever see anything positive coming out of a sparkly-skinned Robert Pattinson prancing around after a moody teenage girl (for three whole films!). But it seems that the world’s subsequent obsession with all things vampire over recent years might finally have yielded something worthwhile.

The so-called ‘vampire theory’ states that young blood could reverse the effects of ageing and scientists in the US have put it to the test. Remarkably, three independent studies published this week have all indicated that there is truth behind it.

The Harvard Stem Cell Institute, Stamford University and the University of California each found that by putting young blood in the body of an older creature, you can rejuvenate brain and muscle tissues.

By testing on mice – naturally – the lab boffins founds that a protein named GDF11, which is also present in humans, was the key to tissue restoration. By having more of it in your blood, as young people do, humans could theoretically reverse age-related declines in memory and learning, brain function, muscle strength and stamina.

The publication of these significant scientific findings are being met with a word of caution not to try this at home. So, in the constant fight against wrinkles, if people have a gruesomely ageing portrait of themselves covered in the attic perhaps don’t throw it away just yet.

But for those worried that their salad days are well and truly behind them, it is advisable to keep in the good books of any grandchildren with a better birthday present offering than a pair of socks – they could prove an invaluable resource in the future. Alternatively, maybe think about investing in a large collection of pet mice.